There is a certain duality that comes with doing a creative act for a living. There is always an internal struggle between the thing I want to make and the thing that I need to make so that I can provide for my family.
It is worthwhile for anyone to try and strike a balance between the two. Sort of like leaving room in your day for hobbies.
This is something I have been horrendous at. I’ve put so much energy into being a better breadwinner for my family and I am now tired. I’m tired of grinding. I’m tired of inventing new career goals.
What are we to do in this situation? Those of us who lost the balance. The natural instinct is to overcorrect. Focus exclusively on what we want to do and when we want to do it. It seems like that might heal the ache in my bones. It feels too manic to swing from one side of the spectrum to the other. I think striving for balance is the solution.
Getting back to a place of balance is important for me at this juncture in life.
My first inclination that I had a problem was 4 years ago. I thought the solution was to switch to a creative career. I dabbled in anything that seemed even remotely fun. Now I’m at a point where I’ve developed new hobbies but no new career.
This has weighed heavily on me because a new career was my goal. I convinced myself that a new career would make me happy.
I know now that there is no career that can give me what I need. I can understand where the sentiment came from. My day job (especially my current one) is draining. The more drained I am the more I need to recharge the battery!
After 4 years I’m eager for this chapter in my life to come to an end.